Dear Aizuddin,
I hope you're doing well there and enjoying your studies.
It has been a while since I have a crush on someone. It's quite embarrassing, but I realised I'm not 13 anymore. I have experienced pain and losses in different phases of life, so what else do I have to lose now at 30 years old?
Still, I don't know how and where do I start approaching you. Deep down, I still have the doubt that I will be accepted by anyone, given my status, but I really would like to know you more and become your friend.
I remember when you came to Oly and Shadeq's house last year, as I just came out from the guest room. You turned your head to the right. We looked at each other, and you greeted me. "Assalamualaikum, Jehaada" while nodding your head initiating a respectful gesture. You asked me if I drive a blue car, and said that you saw me in the car park just now. We had a brief conversation.. "Dari mana?" "Senang jumpa jalan?" "Rumah family ke?" etc. I could not remember the jokes we cracked afterwards (it was something about me driving in the wrong way), but I remember how it made me feel.
It was great to have a decent conversation with a decent guy after all the hard times. Maybe it was something usual for you out of your courtesy and kindness, but those brief moments made me feel appreciated and seen. It was also nice to see how you unhesitant-ly took the initiative to help Olly arranging the cream puff and cupcakes on the dessert plate.
Okay this is fun. Wait cause it gets better 😆
Here comes the best part of my delulu, but who cares, no one is reading this anyway (maybe Oly will haha). I think I was playing with Aufa and.. Nuha is it? Saidah and Harith's daughter? There were like a few children there and I was enjoying myself playing with them. I then accompanied Aufa to throw a plastic packaging in the kitchen dustbin. As I hold her hand heading back to the living room, I noticed you were looking. Your friends were chatting, and as I returned to attending the kids, I heard you saying "Tengok, teacher sangat kan," something like that.
Makcik Sham has been mentioning your name, as per told by Oly. And she actually mentioned your name in passing to me when I visited her in Rantau last few weeks. Cmon man, can't you see it? I'm pretty, kids love me, the elders love me, I have good job and great family, I'm kind and understanding, ambitious and always pursuing growth. Bro just give me a chance, it has been a year, why you still not ready? 😂ðŸ˜
On a serious note, right, I am proud of myself for being able to feel again, and start approaching someone again. Just this time, I am calmer (I hope) and more rational, though there are rooms for improvements.
I mean, what do I do if people don't like me back, right? I mean, if they couldn't see me for how awesome I am or look past my flaws, that just means they're not my people. I like me, that's the most important thing in the world. And I had went through a hell of a journey to like myself. I'm gonna cherish her so much, cause she deserves all the good things with the grace of Allah.
Side note, this week we have settled in the new house and I kinda feel like a main character today. Aishah Kamal was awarded with the Teacher of The Month and I was so happy the nomination worked. She deserves it so much, and I know Allah will grant me happiness as I make my friends happy. In any way, I am pleased, and I have to notice! Wallahi kindness is my new addiction and it has been great alhamdulillah.
Oh, anyway Aizuddin, listen, this is not really about you.
I'm already good by myself alhamdulillah, just looking for additional growth.
You're a potential, but I wish you the best and thank you for being very honest!
Post on my little nest and self agency coming righttt uppp!
1201am
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Damansara-Dengkil
Soundtrack- Amira Othman
