the musk seller in my life

We were just 16 when met each other in the school canteen ten years ago. Running together at the school field and scored medals for our sports team. Staying back after school, sitting at the Surau as you taught me Additional Mathematics. I still keep my Math book which you scribbled and doodled on it, giving me motivation to study more for the incoming SPM. We stayed together in the hostel during SPM days, we listened to each other's cries, pain and stories. Those were the days you became one of the most important person in my life. We graduated high school successfully, and you flew away to Jordan. 

We were physically apart for two years, yet nothing ever changed when we reunited.

I enjoyed being with you in Jordan. Roaming freely, living our youth in foreign land. Treat each other good food, drinking hot tea together during the winter programme by the hill. I remembered we making promises that we will stick on each other till our old days, drinking hot tea peacefully on the hilltop while walking down the memory lane of our youth. 

Today on 2020, as we turned a quarter decade old, I would want to appreciate your existence in my life.

 If I could describe you in one word, it is "Determined".

You are a girl full of determination in everything that you do; studying, working, drawing, planning your life, executing your business. You're always determined to be someone great in everything- from being a daughter, a sister, a friend, a colleague. 

For maybe I- after all these years by your side- have witnessed the universe offers you no other choices than being strong, determined and bold.

Sometimes you might feel like you have failed. You might feel that your effort were left unappreciated. Your exhaustion does not birth any good results. But I have never see you giving up on the most important things in your life. You rest, and let yourself grow. You always find the wisdom behind everything that happened.

They said, some people come to your life as blessings, some others as lessons. I'm pretty sure you were sent into my life as the former. You taught me to cherish my family especially my mother, you taught me to stay focus and disciplined even if I failed numerous times. You taught me that the meaning of life lies on how much we benefit to others on this planet Earth.

If our Prophet described a good friend as a musk seller whom we will get to buy the musk from (received good things), or enjoy its good smell, you are certainly that one friend whom represents that in my life. 

For that, thank you for being a good friend. 
Even if our face has wrinkles all over, you'll forever be my boo.

Kundang.
291020
615AM

Dear Yasir

Hi there honey pie, the most handsome baby in this world. Well enjoy this award, it is valid till I have a baby boy of my own :P .You're 7 months old, and are having a fever when I'm writing this. May Allah bless you with a fast recovery, sweetie. I had only hold you once in my arm, but you're always in my prayers. 

I met your mother yesterday, after months. We rarely see each other anymore, tho. After graduation, working life, marriage, and you happened. 

I went to Central Market near her working place, and we had lunch together. She ordered iced milk tea, her favourite drink which seems like it has never changed. We talked, not really a lot, but that's how it has always been. We don't often converse a lot when we date, but we have no trouble finding comfort the silence. 

I watched her as she spoke. She's the same girl who I used to envy. Beautiful, and calm. The one with one of the most perfect smile. Especially when she talks about what she loves, and now it's when she talks about you. We shared stories and updates of our lives. For every 10 minutes she showed me your photos, telling me about you as I saw excitement and love sparkling in her eyes. I still think it's unbelievable that she's now a mother. It feels like yesterday our friendship happened, the motorbike road trip, the cactus accident, the beach, usrah and daurah, the relapse, the study groups, the programmes, volunteerism, travelling, sports days, misunderstandings, laughter and tears, everything. It feels like yesterday we were still young. 

Life has changed, a lot. Including this friendship. I still remember, clearly, crying so hard before riding the coaster to Queen Alia Airport, waving my friends goodbye as I knew things wouldn't be the same, ever again. 

Yasir, adulthood is weird. 

It's a phase when you tried your best to hold into a memory, but it keeps drifting away from you. You tried your best to hold onto some relationships, but at some point, you just don't need each other anymore. 

Your mother was one of my saviours. And I love her with all my being. She was there for me, always. And that is why I was always trying to be there for her. I still am. I was there when your parents were engaged, even I got stuck in the traffic jam for 4 hours on the journey. I was there to help her load her DIY pelamin inside the van before she headed to Temerloh for her wedding with your dad. I was there when your grandmother passed away and your mother was pregnant with you.

'Cause I love her with all of my existence.

I still love and miss her a lot. 

But I'm not attached anymore. 

No expectations. 

Tho we're not that close anymore, I still pray for her. She deserves all the goodness in this world and hereafter. She deserves every happiness and solace. She deserves a good child like you. 

Grow up well, Yasir. And be a good person like your parents. Love your friends and family unconditionally. May Allah bless you with knowledge and great personality. 

Till we meet again. 

Onty jed. 

300920

11.25PM

Kundang.