I don't even have a post for me turning 30 that's crazy mann. This is the best age I've become, with the mercy of Allah. May was so packed with end-of-year stuff, also maybe because I was just healing from the relapse and too busy najmi-ing astagfirullah.
Now it feels okay, just the PMS, y'know her. I'm going to name her Puteri MaiSarah. So everytime I feel weirdly extra-emotional I'll be like "That's not me that's Puteri MaiSarah. She's here" like an annoying sister.
Anyway,
Now is not a good time because the assignments are not gonna do themselves aren't they.
Just wanna say that I'm super proud and grateful as I was submitting the performance appraisal. Alhamdulillah. Completed a lot of things this year, beyond what I thought I can accomplished.
هذا من فضل ربي
Allah has been very very kind to me in every steps of my life, literally. Though I'm so weak and fragile.
I feel like my iman these few months has been going down with the relapse. It is so challenging and scary. I am so scared that I'm going to lose Him again. I don't even wanna imagine that. Some nights I'll be crying out of fear of losing my Lord because of my own actions. The way my hand went back slowly to doing what it once prayed during tawaf - to stop doing. I really hate this. My solah has been neglected and that's not cool at all. But I'm trying my very best to not leave the Quran, the religious circle, as well as kindness and dakwah to others. May those become the anchor of my imaan as well as more solah, as I am struggling with the yanqus episode. I swear that Iblees guy is just bitter because I got something out of the ordinary and he doesn't. Urgh.
Gotta notice the attack on my imaan like how the mealy bugs attacking Tuti and Titu for real.
p/s: Not me writing like Gen Z 😭I hope borderline counts!!
8:51PM
01072025
Kota Damansara
