out

The time has come for you to step out from this life, into a better one, at least financially. This life as a kindergarten teacher is coming to its end. This life which you have built for almost three years has to be bid farewell. You know that someday this is gonna happen. I know you're scared, because you hate changes. You're uncertain of what's going to happen. This next right thing need you to step out of your comfort zone. And when I say out of comfort zone, I literally mean OUT of it. 

You're gonna meet new people. Maybe they will treat you like you're an idiot, or maybe they'll assist you with respect. Maybe there will be one colleague who hates you, or maybe there'll be more. Maybe you'll get a grumpy and verbally abusive leader, or maybe he/she is the understanding one. Maybe you'll hate your new job, maybe you'll love it. Maybe you'll have no idea what you're doing, maybe you will.

There is no certainty in whatever life path that you choose. Soon you're going to be a mother, guiding your children to make terrifying decisions in life. 

Expect tears, expect panic attack, expect unnecessary judgements, expect misogynists, expect triggers. But also, expect a stronger you, a wiser one. The one who knows how to respond to hatred with kindness. Expect no friends, but if you got one that's a bonus like he said. Expect burnouts and breakdowns, because you know it will happen, frequently, at least on the first three months of your new job. Make sure your husband knows what to expect too. Mental health deteriorating. 

If expecting the worst war is what it takes for you to overcome this fear, and be ready for it, then expect the worst war. Because you have to step out very soon. You know we're not going to wait until the kids' graduation this year. You are leaving. Brace yourself. I know you hate stepping out, but you're gonna make it. Make rules for yourself, jot down your coping mechanisms, jot down things you value about yourself. 

New world is always terrifying. You were terrified too three years ago. 
But you were out of your comfort zone.

Now, you just have to do it one more time. 

It's exactly the same. 

Except this time, you are going to be wiser.

030521
9:01PM
Seri Kembangan.