I wake up to the sound of him making wudu' in the bathroom. It's Thursday, half past four in the morning. I slowly bring myself out of the bed, switched on the bedroom lights and head to the working room. My desk is a big mess; the unmarked students' papers, some empty bottles and paints I was experimenting with last night to plan a school project, two laptops open- the school's and my personal one. There's also a Mushaf that has always been open for my daily hafazan recitation. Next to mine is his desk, neat and tidy. Some paperworks and his work notes scattered. His laptop is on, perhaps he woke up earlier and continued his work while I was still asleep.
The sound of water in the bathroom stopped, I'm deducing he's done cleaning up and getting ready for qiyam. I headed to the kitchen and start clearing the dish drainer before washing some dishes left from last night after dinner. We were so sleepy and tired after Isha' prayer yesterday that we went straight to bed.
He come out of our bedroom, greeting me and smiling, carrying the laundry basket and head to the yard. He starts opening the lid of the washing machine and load our dirty clothes inside.
"Sandwich telur je okay tak harini breakfast? And saya tak sempat buat bekal lunch harini rasanya, takpe ke? Ingat nak sambung tanda paper sebelum pergi sekolah," I asked while washing the eggs, the lettuce, and preparing the bread.
-"Eh okay je. Don't worry. We'll find something to eat at work. Awak pun jangan lupa makan," He replied while pouring laundry detergent into the designated part of the machine.
"Maybe I can make extra sandwich telur for bekal just in case awak or saya tak sempat cari makan masa lunch. Dinner insyaAllah saya masak, harini saya balik awal."
-"That sounds great. Thank you awak. Esok Jumaat kan, so I'll prepare our food as usual insyaAllah,"
"Thank you awak," I replied with a cute playful face and a mini love. He chuckles.
He heads to our small living room as the washing machine starts operating, grabs the prayer mat and spread it on the carpet. I turn my gaze at him as he says the takbir, and queitly watching him pray. He's been working so hard this month especially, to reach our target amount specifically in a saving for pregnancy, and settling all the commitments. I can feel his exhaustion in his ruku' and i'tidal, and him releasing it to the ground as he kneel to sujud.
Some working days are better than the others, some are harder. Regardless, we somehow always find time to be there for each other, our families, or close friends; at night, during the weekends, whenever they need us. And it's a huge blessing to have these loved ones reciprocating the same energy. We have come so far to reach this balance and stability in expectations, as well as taking care of ourselves in the midst of very packed working schedule.
I finish preparing the sandwiches when he completed a few prayers and continue with zikir. I head back to the working room to settle my marking. It's nearly half past five. As I am thinking about school, slowly swiveling my chair, my eyes stop at the small whiteboard on the wall behind our working space is still filled with drawings and scribbles from last Sunday's discussion. I remember last week when I was not being very nice to him, and I felt hurt as well with some of his words. I ended up crying because I felt so guilty, and he was also overwhelmed with work and emotions.
"Ahad petang kosongkan jadual ya. We'll visit the garden and have a look at the flowers," he told me last week's Thursday during our dinner which was the third time we ordered on Grab that week, because none of us had the emotional or physical capacity to prepare food.
We continued our week with very minimal interactions, until we 'visited the garden' during the weekend to clear our thoughts and communicate our feelings.
'Visit the garden and have a look at the flowers' has always been our little way of saying we need to sit down and have the hard conversations. Heart to heart. With drawings, tables, diagrams, any form of communication that can help to analyse the problems, the causes of certain reactions and feelings, as well as solutions and improvement for the future.
It often goes like this when one of us or both need it.
"Can we visit the garden?"
"Do you have time to have a look at the flowers?"
"I'm not ready to check the flowers now. Maybe tomorow night?"
"I think some of the flowers are not doing well. I need help"
The flashbacks and reveries in my mind stopped as I hear his voice from the living room.
-"Saya sahur ye. Lagi dua puluh minit lagi nak azan subuh."
I walked out of our working room.
"Ohhh aah la harini Khamis,"
-"Aah tu la baru teringat, macam nak puasa. Awak tak boleh puasa kan,"
"Aah. Alamak buat extra ni sandwich telur ingat nak suruh awak bawa untuk lunch sikit. Takpelah saya bawa ke sekolah je bagi teachers,"
-"Haa ok ok,"
The morning continues with us cleaning ourselves and getting ready for the day. We do a short tasmik session before I make a move to work as it's quarter past seven. He will normally leave for work at eight so he handles the remaining chores like throwing the trash, watering the plants, hanging the laundry.
So far, the garden has been maintained very well. Not perfect, not everything blooms all the time, but it's definitely thriving through different phases, and hopefully will continue to thrive until we eventually arrives in the eternal garden of Jannah, the best resting place ever.
......
وَأَدْعُوا۟ رَبِّى عَسَىٰٓ أَلَّآ أَكُونَ بِدُعَآءِ رَبِّى شَقِيًّۭا
"dan aku akan berdoa kepada Tuhanku, mudah-mudahan aku tidak akan kecewa dengan berdoa kepada Tuhanku." (19:48)
0609AM
130826
Kota Damansara
