remove

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It must be so hard to tell the same story as usual, but need to remove a certain character in it. A character with a big role. Don't ask me why. Some characters are just not meant to last in your life. But it ain't a simple task. I've experienced tho. Removing certain people from your story. Either you don't have the guts to mention their name or you'll be a dead meat if you dare mentioning that name in front of someone. Like one telling her children about the moment she gave birth to them and how she used to raised them but have to remove the character of their father from the story. Some others experienced it in kinda friendship version.

"Aku rasa je la apa dia rasa. Bila orang tanya kenapa pindah rumah? Tak tahu nak cakap apa," when girls with housemates problems speak out their heart. I nodded. After a while and give myself a deep sorrow smile.

"Macam orang tanya aku dulu kenapa pindah Banting. Aku tak tahu nak cakap apa,". Those days.

Removing is so hard.

Doesn't matter if you gotta remove something or someone for what sake.

Like removing every character of your dad when having throwing back conversations with your mum.
Or removing someone and the memories away from your thoughts because you believe being disconnected is the best decision.

As an easily-attached person, I found removing is a very challenging task. But I know it's harder for mum.

Some people they are actually willing to gave out their best in a relationship. But when these people met wrong mates, those who broke their trust, those who never ever willing to do the same sacrifice, they become scared then. They thought they're just being insane. They thought that loyalty is nonsense. That the society does not practice loyalty for real. They thought they're the only one who struggles to bring the idea of loyalty into this world, while in reality, other people are just doing shits.

When they failed to met someone like them, they slowly changed. Their willing to love at their best, sacrify at all guts they'd ever have, being loyal like hell, fades. It faded away. For the sake of those wrong people they met at the first place. Those people really are those who ruined hopes in every single soul they hurt and betray. They ruined the idea of loyalty in the society with every soul they 'killed'.

And slowly the world become a real scary place that loyalty or honesty does not actually exists.

Doesn't it? Not yet, maybe.

What do I do, when you're thinking of mum and dad, you can't help not to relate them to marriage. Even if you don't really think of yourself that much.

We need more people to prove that loyalty ain't a piece of crap fairytale sold everywhere. After all, I don't even want to imagine myself in years to go in a situation that I have to remove a certain character in every stories and history I retell. Na'uzubillah.

When we have the guts to believe in love again,. Don't be scared. If we don't want to think about ourselves, think about the future generation. The future ummah. They have the rights not to be raised in a broken home tho.

Randomly written. Missin' home I guess.

Pejamkan matamu untukku,

Dengarlah dunia berkata-kata,

Usah kau ragu di sini tempatmu,

Walau berubah di mata kita tetap indah,

Selagi kau masih percaya..

Ketawa, kecewa, terpisah,

Jalan yang lurus kian berhalang,

Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan, 

Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata,

Ku harap ku masih percaya..

Buka matamu,

Biar aku memelukmu,

Kita bersama masih muda, masih mentah,

Ku harap kau masih percaya.

Sungai Lui- Aizat Amdan.

Wassalam,
Musirrah.