Maybe there's a void inside me that actually explains this feeling, like I'm not ready to start a little family of my own. Not ready to become a mother. Not ready to devote myself to someone whom I'm uncertain if they're worth it or not. Or maybe it's my past trauma that shaped me to be who I am right now. Maybe I'm too scared to have a child, knowing that one day they'll be broken too, or they'll be the one who break others. Perhaps I'm running away from any possibilities of suffering anyone might have to encounter. Maybe I'm too scared to face the day when my child say "Why was I born into this world? I shouldn't have been born. I shouldn't exist" Why would we want to create something that'll suffer like us one day.
If I were given a choice, I hope I was never born into this world. No existence, no pain, no sins, nothing.
Maybe it was my whole existence that I can't make peace with, that makes me wonder the purpose of me bringing another life into this cruel world. Or the anxiety that they'll someday be a part of the darkness and cruelty too.
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