Dear Yasir

Hi there honey pie, the most handsome baby in this world. Well enjoy this award, it is valid till I have a baby boy of my own :P .You're 7 months old, and are having a fever when I'm writing this. May Allah bless you with a fast recovery, sweetie. I had only hold you once in my arm, but you're always in my prayers. 

I met your mother yesterday, after months. We rarely see each other anymore, tho. After graduation, working life, marriage, and you happened. 

I went to Central Market near her working place, and we had lunch together. She ordered iced milk tea, her favourite drink which seems like it has never changed. We talked, not really a lot, but that's how it has always been. We don't often converse a lot when we date, but we have no trouble finding comfort the silence. 

I watched her as she spoke. She's the same girl who I used to envy. Beautiful, and calm. The one with one of the most perfect smile. Especially when she talks about what she loves, and now it's when she talks about you. We shared stories and updates of our lives. For every 10 minutes she showed me your photos, telling me about you as I saw excitement and love sparkling in her eyes. I still think it's unbelievable that she's now a mother. It feels like yesterday our friendship happened, the motorbike road trip, the cactus accident, the beach, usrah and daurah, the relapse, the study groups, the programmes, volunteerism, travelling, sports days, misunderstandings, laughter and tears, everything. It feels like yesterday we were still young. 

Life has changed, a lot. Including this friendship. I still remember, clearly, crying so hard before riding the coaster to Queen Alia Airport, waving my friends goodbye as I knew things wouldn't be the same, ever again. 

Yasir, adulthood is weird. 

It's a phase when you tried your best to hold into a memory, but it keeps drifting away from you. You tried your best to hold onto some relationships, but at some point, you just don't need each other anymore. 

Your mother was one of my saviours. And I love her with all my being. She was there for me, always. And that is why I was always trying to be there for her. I still am. I was there when your parents were engaged, even I got stuck in the traffic jam for 4 hours on the journey. I was there to help her load her DIY pelamin inside the van before she headed to Temerloh for her wedding with your dad. I was there when your grandmother passed away and your mother was pregnant with you.

'Cause I love her with all of my existence.

I still love and miss her a lot. 

But I'm not attached anymore. 

No expectations. 

Tho we're not that close anymore, I still pray for her. She deserves all the goodness in this world and hereafter. She deserves every happiness and solace. She deserves a good child like you. 

Grow up well, Yasir. And be a good person like your parents. Love your friends and family unconditionally. May Allah bless you with knowledge and great personality. 

Till we meet again. 

Onty jed. 

300920

11.25PM

Kundang.